Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Rock bottom; a solid foundation

Often I wonder about the cards I was dealt, the hand I was given doesn't always seem fair. I know I'm blessed but sometimes my heart hurts by the loneliness it feels. God didn't forget about me so why does it seem like he has? I've learned that sometimes our questions may go unanswered, our problems don't always get fixed right away, but I know that joy comes in the morning, no matter how rocky your night was. There's a saying, "From the prison to the palace", it came from the Bible; also known as Life's greatest instruction manual. There was a guy named Joseph, and If you've ever felt like life was against you, you will feel better after you see all of the tests he was given. He went from the prison to the palace, and I'm sure if he had the chance to do it all over again, he probably would because the outcome was greater than his struggles. So let's talk about that, I know I'm not the only person who has felt that way. Life doesn't pick and choose who gets the good stuff and who doesn't, neither does God... It doesn't work that way. I've learned the hard way that sometimes we are in a mess because of our choices, other times we are in that mess because there is a lesson to be learned. I will say this though, don't blame God for anything bad you go through, because the devil is famous for plotting revenge on us due to his jealousy, it's never God's fault, please remember this. Once you are God's kid, you become untouchable, but that doesn't mean you won't get tested, trust me. You know those days where you wish you had water proof mascara because you seem to cry all of your make up off? Or you see an old picture of you and an old love and re play the entire relationship in your head? See, I told you I understand, all too well somedays. If theres one thing I'm proud of, it's the fact that I am not perfect. All of my imperfections are beautiful to me. All of the battle scars, the wrinkles on your forehead and even the mistakes you have made are all a part of a story. I have a scar on the top of my left hand. It's from when I was a baby, and was so sick that the hospital quickly became my home. This scar is from an IV I was given that didn't exactly go as planned, and although I am sure the pain I felt was miserable, I absolutely love looking at it. Why? Because it signifies the strength I had when I didn't even know I had any. So what do you do when you have reached rock bottom? I've heard you should tie a knot and hang on. I remember sitting in my former boss' office early one morning. I had just gotten off work from working my very first night shift. I knew I had things I needed to work on, But I was eager to become better. I was barely 19 years old and the rejection was real. I just wanted to help those who couldn't help themselves. I remember the conversation, about how I always smiled and was loved by many, BUT some of my flaws seemed to overrule any of that. After being given an ultimatum I decided with tear stained cheeks that I deserved better and I walked away. Shortly after that I was given another job opportunity and I took it... I've been there for a year and a half now. I guess what I am trying to say here is that your rock bottom isn't there to destroy you, your worst memories aren't there to haunt you. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for, and that's something I had to learn. That person who told you you're worthless, that significant other that said they didn't love you anymore, that negative voice that said you'll never make it, that job that told you they couldn't keep you, that family member that doesn't want anything to do with you... Listen to me when I say this, your destiny is not tied to anyone or anything that tries to harm you or leave you or even take away from becoming the person God has called you to be. Don't focus on the approval of flesh. If their approval was needed Christ wouldn't of selflessly died for us. I decided to start writing because sometimes I need inspiration and I've learned that there are times in our lives we have to be our own. I write because somewhere out there in this crazy beautiful world there is someone who feels just like I have. With writing a blog comes honesty, even when it's brutal or crutial or harsh, you have to be honest. Just like most of you, some of my days are dark, and just breathing is an achievement. But something I learned in church is that The Lord tests the righteous. I learned that Jesus could leave me alone, he could pave a road to success with no bumps, with no detours BUT what good would that be? That means he would of been satisfied with allowing me to settle, allowing to leave me without ever seeing my full potential.  Real talk, I've never met this awesome Jesus dude face to face but some day I will and I know his plan for me is greater than I could ever even imagine, he loves me too much to leave me the way I am, and the same thing goes for you. 

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